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Love is a choice.
Sharing this blog entry I found randomly which speaks so much of reality. Posted October 13, 2014 at SETH ADAM SMITH.
I could not agree more with Seth, except for his concept of marriage (i'll explain about this some other time) Anyway, love is indeed a deliberate choice. Love is something that is human and natural.
I do not believe that love is a fairy tale -- that we are all destined to someone, and that we are all bound for a happy ever after. Curse all those lies fed by mainstream media! When all the shining, shimmering, splendid things in every love story ended, comes the real truth.
This is unbelievably moving and powerful. True, real and practical. Love does not come with a template of success. It is real. It is challenging, it fails, it works, it lives, it dies, it resurrects. All we can do is, be alive in it.
My wife and I have known each other since high school, but didn’t date until much later. We had only dated a couple of weeks before we realized that we were madly in love and wanted to get married.
I was all for it! I even suggested a spontaneous, immediate wedding in Vegas. (Seriously.) Kim, however, was a bit more practical about the whole thing. She wanted to take time to plan it all out.
I felt deflated. “We’re so different,” I said. “You like to plan, while I like to be spontaneous.”
Kim’s eyes widened. “I can be spontaneous!” she said, hurriedly. “I can totally be spontaneous. You just have to tell me in advance when you want to be spontaneous, and I will write it down in my planner…”
I gave her a strange look. She was totally serious! Clearly, Kim did not understand the meaning of spontaneity.
Funny as it may seem, the more I think about this conversation the more I’ve come to realize that planning to love someone—orchoosing to love someone—is actually one of the most beautiful things about love.
I’ve heard it said that real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.
It’s true.
When all the butterflies have fluttered away and your wedding day becomes a distant memory, you will discover that you’ve married someone who is just as imperfect as you. And they, in turn, will come to learn that you have problems, insecurities, struggles, quirks—and body odor—just as real as theirs!
Then you will realize that real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling—it’s a deliberate choice—a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. Of course, you don’t choose who you’re attracted to, but you definitely choose who you fall in love with and (more importantly) who you stay in love with.
Our society places a lot of emphasis on feelings. We are taught that we should always follow our feelings and do whatever makes us happy. But feelings are very fickle and fleeting. Real love, on the other hand, is like the north star in the storms of life; it is constant, sure, and true. Whenever we’re lost and confused we can find strength in the love that we have chosen.
Besides, life already offers us plenty of spontaneity: rejection, job loss, heartache, disappointment, despair, illness, and a host of other problems. We simply can’t abandon ship every time we encounter a storm in our marriage. Real love is about weathering the storms of life together.
When my grandma was in her fifties, she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease that disrupts the body’s ability to communicate with its nervous system. Within a few short years, Grandma had lost the ability to walk and was confined to a wheelchair. Grandpa, who was then the chief of police, retired two years earlier than planned in order to take care of Grandma. He helped her do everything—from getting around the house and visiting the doctor, to helping her take her medicine and bathe.
In speaking about my grandma, Grandpa once told my mom, “It hurts me to see her like this. You know, when I got married I thought that everything would be smooth sailing. I never imagined that I would have to help her change her catheter every day. But I do it and I don’t mind it—because I love her.”
Love is so much more than some random, euphoric feeling. And real love isn’t always fluffy, cute, and cuddly. More often than not, real love has its sleeves rolled up, dirt and grime smeared on its arms, and sweat dripping down its forehead. Real love asks us to do hard things—to forgive one another, to support each other’s dreams, to comfort in times of grief, or to care for family. Real love isn’t easy—and it’s nothing like the wedding day—but it’s far more meaningful and wonderful.
I recently came across this wonderful quote: “No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.”
Whenever my wife and I run into a problem in our marriage we do our best to choose love. While we’re certainly not perfect, the love we share today is more real and more wonderful than anything we had ever anticipated.
So, whatever spontaneous storm may come our way I plan on loving my wife.
If you truly love someone (and they truly love you), commit to that love and plan on it being hard work.
But also plan on it being the most rewarding work of your life.
FORGET ABOUT FEELINGS,
REAL LOVE IS A DELIBERATE CHOICE
I was all for it! I even suggested a spontaneous, immediate wedding in Vegas. (Seriously.) Kim, however, was a bit more practical about the whole thing. She wanted to take time to plan it all out.
I felt deflated. “We’re so different,” I said. “You like to plan, while I like to be spontaneous.”
Kim’s eyes widened. “I can be spontaneous!” she said, hurriedly. “I can totally be spontaneous. You just have to tell me in advance when you want to be spontaneous, and I will write it down in my planner…”
I gave her a strange look. She was totally serious! Clearly, Kim did not understand the meaning of spontaneity.
Funny as it may seem, the more I think about this conversation the more I’ve come to realize that planning to love someone—orchoosing to love someone—is actually one of the most beautiful things about love.
I’ve heard it said that real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.
It’s true.
When all the butterflies have fluttered away and your wedding day becomes a distant memory, you will discover that you’ve married someone who is just as imperfect as you. And they, in turn, will come to learn that you have problems, insecurities, struggles, quirks—and body odor—just as real as theirs!
Then you will realize that real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling—it’s a deliberate choice—a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. Of course, you don’t choose who you’re attracted to, but you definitely choose who you fall in love with and (more importantly) who you stay in love with.
Our society places a lot of emphasis on feelings. We are taught that we should always follow our feelings and do whatever makes us happy. But feelings are very fickle and fleeting. Real love, on the other hand, is like the north star in the storms of life; it is constant, sure, and true. Whenever we’re lost and confused we can find strength in the love that we have chosen.
Besides, life already offers us plenty of spontaneity: rejection, job loss, heartache, disappointment, despair, illness, and a host of other problems. We simply can’t abandon ship every time we encounter a storm in our marriage. Real love is about weathering the storms of life together.
When my grandma was in her fifties, she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease that disrupts the body’s ability to communicate with its nervous system. Within a few short years, Grandma had lost the ability to walk and was confined to a wheelchair. Grandpa, who was then the chief of police, retired two years earlier than planned in order to take care of Grandma. He helped her do everything—from getting around the house and visiting the doctor, to helping her take her medicine and bathe.
In speaking about my grandma, Grandpa once told my mom, “It hurts me to see her like this. You know, when I got married I thought that everything would be smooth sailing. I never imagined that I would have to help her change her catheter every day. But I do it and I don’t mind it—because I love her.”
Love is so much more than some random, euphoric feeling. And real love isn’t always fluffy, cute, and cuddly. More often than not, real love has its sleeves rolled up, dirt and grime smeared on its arms, and sweat dripping down its forehead. Real love asks us to do hard things—to forgive one another, to support each other’s dreams, to comfort in times of grief, or to care for family. Real love isn’t easy—and it’s nothing like the wedding day—but it’s far more meaningful and wonderful.
I recently came across this wonderful quote: “No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.”
Whenever my wife and I run into a problem in our marriage we do our best to choose love. While we’re certainly not perfect, the love we share today is more real and more wonderful than anything we had ever anticipated.
So, whatever spontaneous storm may come our way I plan on loving my wife.
If you truly love someone (and they truly love you), commit to that love and plan on it being hard work.
But also plan on it being the most rewarding work of your life.
Dead Poem 006 - Life S_cks
Who said life's going to be easy.
Obtuse, it's nothing but fallacy.
[ND, 2014]
Dead Poem 005 - Mama
A lot of me now is because of you,
A fine young man who forever loves you.
[ND, 2014]
Dead Poem 004 - Unforgiven
You broke my heart and ask me why i could hardly forgive.
T'was genuine love, it's painful can't find any relief.
[ND, 2014]
Dead Poem 003 - Valar Morghulis
Death is constant, even gods will not deny.
It is the rule of life that all men must die.
[ND, 2014]
Dead Poem 002 - Carpe Diem
Seize the day, and never be confronted with fears inside.
In the end it is you who will rejoice or suffer, so don't mind.
[ND, 2014]
Dead Poem 001 - The Sun
To dream big, as big as the sun.
You can see but you can never touch.
[ND, 2014]
The Pain Of Being In Love With Someone You Can Never Be With
And so I am back, for the mean time. Sorry for neglecting this blog for how many months. I can't promise to keep posting (as if someone's reading my blog). Anyhow, just like to share an article I found while browsing my Facebook feeds. I do think this is worth reading and I found it very enlightening. So please take a moment of your busy life to read this.
_____________________________________________________
THE PAIN OF BEING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE YOU CAN NEVER BE WITH
Love is a tricky thing. It varies in intensity and in the specificity of emotions. It is sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world and, at other times, it’s the most horrid thing we’ve ever come face-to-face with.
It’s odd how one thing could be the cause of so many contrary feelings. But that’s what makes love so beautiful – it’s the closest thing to perfection that exists in the world, the only thing that can easily and comfortably encompass both good and evil, beautiful and ugly.
It’s the closest thing to a flawless whole that man has ever claimed to have been part of.
When we think of love, we think of the happy kind of love, the kind that is the beginning of something beautiful – something that breathes life.
There is, however, another kind of love, a much darker and sadder kind of love. It’s the love one feels when one loves someone he or she can never and will never have.
It’s the kind of love that doesn’t signal the beginning of something beautiful, but rather the end of something that might have been beautiful, but will never amount to anything more than what it is.
Contrary to popular belief or popular wishful thinking, love doesn’t always end happily. It doesn’t always result in the joining of two people, the fusing of two lives into one.
Sometimes, on rare occasions, it results in the wedging apart of the two who love each other the most. You can love someone with all your soul and never get a chance to be with that person. Even worse, you can know that you love him or her, understanding there is no possibility that the two of you will ever be together.
Some people cannot and will not ever end up together, even if they do love each other. It’s a sad truth, but a truth, nonetheless.
The fact is, love is not enough. All those fairytales, all those stories and movies you’ve heard and watched growing up, lied to you. Love is never enough because love is not rational.
You hear that love is irrational all the time, yet you still hear the same people saying that love is enough to keep two people together.
Unfortunately, we live in a world governed by rationality, and while love may be irrational, and we may manage to make it work for some time, the real world always catches up with us and our irrational illusions dissipate into thin air.
Then we are left with reality and reality doesn’t always reason the way lovers do.
Some people don’t work out together. They have habits or beliefs that make it impossible to co-habitate with the person they love. There isn’t a couple out there that loves every little thing about one another.
Sure, they may find certain quirks cute or unique, but they don’t love them; they simply accept them. There are some people who have such habits, tendencies, or thinking patterns that really do make them incompatible with the other person.
The two may love each other fully, because remember, love isn’t rational, yet not be able to live and deal with each other forever. This is why relationships require compromise.
You’re not going to love everything about the person you are with, but you love enough about him or her to live with the things you don’t love. Not all people are willing to, or even able to, compromise. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, regardless of what our emotions tell us.
Compromising, of course, is a choice. You either choose to make it work or you choose not to. I believe this fully. As long as something doesn’t go against your nature, over time you can make it work. But there are still some cases when compromising isn’t enough.
Sometimes there are other reasons two people cannot and will not ever be together. In fact, this is usually the deciding factor of whether or not two lovers will be capable of spending their lives together: if they are able to forgive and forget.
Because love is as intense an emotion as one gets, it occasionally leads us to make poor choices – choices that are hurtful to the ones we love.
They may be poor calls of judgment, lies we told or things we said. When it comes to love, our pasts haunt us. We move from relationship to relationship, hauling all that luggage we managed to accumulate in our previous relationship.
Because lovers who can’t work together don’t like to accept this fact, they have a tendency of breaking up and getting back together repeatedly.
Each time they take a break from each other, they come back and try to start fresh. But the problem is, they’re still carrying all that luggage. And sooner or later, they start to unpack. All the demons come out.
When love scars, it cuts deep. The pain isn’t easily forgotten and usually cannot be willfully forgotten. When you hurt the woman you love enough, she won’t come back to you. And because you still love her, you wouldn’t take her back even if she asked you to.
You don’t trust yourself not to hurt her again and even if you did, she wouldn’t trust you not to hurt her again. Relationships are built on trust and you shattered her trust.
Chances are, you both have bruises that have never fully healed and likely will never fully heal. And that’s just something you decided that you’ll have to live with. Why?
Because you really don’t have any other options. You just hope that the two of you find others to love so you can think about each other less and so you don’t have to worry about her happiness anymore.
You wait in hopes that new love can take the place of the old — which it can. But that doesn’t mean you will ever stop loving each other. Some people will love each other until the day they die, spending the majority of their lives apart. And so is the darker side of love.
It’s odd how one thing could be the cause of so many contrary feelings. But that’s what makes love so beautiful – it’s the closest thing to perfection that exists in the world, the only thing that can easily and comfortably encompass both good and evil, beautiful and ugly.
It’s the closest thing to a flawless whole that man has ever claimed to have been part of.
When we think of love, we think of the happy kind of love, the kind that is the beginning of something beautiful – something that breathes life.
There is, however, another kind of love, a much darker and sadder kind of love. It’s the love one feels when one loves someone he or she can never and will never have.
It’s the kind of love that doesn’t signal the beginning of something beautiful, but rather the end of something that might have been beautiful, but will never amount to anything more than what it is.
Contrary to popular belief or popular wishful thinking, love doesn’t always end happily. It doesn’t always result in the joining of two people, the fusing of two lives into one.
Sometimes, on rare occasions, it results in the wedging apart of the two who love each other the most. You can love someone with all your soul and never get a chance to be with that person. Even worse, you can know that you love him or her, understanding there is no possibility that the two of you will ever be together.
Some people cannot and will not ever end up together, even if they do love each other. It’s a sad truth, but a truth, nonetheless.
The fact is, love is not enough. All those fairytales, all those stories and movies you’ve heard and watched growing up, lied to you. Love is never enough because love is not rational.
You hear that love is irrational all the time, yet you still hear the same people saying that love is enough to keep two people together.
Unfortunately, we live in a world governed by rationality, and while love may be irrational, and we may manage to make it work for some time, the real world always catches up with us and our irrational illusions dissipate into thin air.
Then we are left with reality and reality doesn’t always reason the way lovers do.
Some people don’t work out together. They have habits or beliefs that make it impossible to co-habitate with the person they love. There isn’t a couple out there that loves every little thing about one another.
Sure, they may find certain quirks cute or unique, but they don’t love them; they simply accept them. There are some people who have such habits, tendencies, or thinking patterns that really do make them incompatible with the other person.
The two may love each other fully, because remember, love isn’t rational, yet not be able to live and deal with each other forever. This is why relationships require compromise.
You’re not going to love everything about the person you are with, but you love enough about him or her to live with the things you don’t love. Not all people are willing to, or even able to, compromise. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, regardless of what our emotions tell us.
Compromising, of course, is a choice. You either choose to make it work or you choose not to. I believe this fully. As long as something doesn’t go against your nature, over time you can make it work. But there are still some cases when compromising isn’t enough.
Sometimes there are other reasons two people cannot and will not ever be together. In fact, this is usually the deciding factor of whether or not two lovers will be capable of spending their lives together: if they are able to forgive and forget.
Because love is as intense an emotion as one gets, it occasionally leads us to make poor choices – choices that are hurtful to the ones we love.
They may be poor calls of judgment, lies we told or things we said. When it comes to love, our pasts haunt us. We move from relationship to relationship, hauling all that luggage we managed to accumulate in our previous relationship.
Because lovers who can’t work together don’t like to accept this fact, they have a tendency of breaking up and getting back together repeatedly.
Each time they take a break from each other, they come back and try to start fresh. But the problem is, they’re still carrying all that luggage. And sooner or later, they start to unpack. All the demons come out.
When love scars, it cuts deep. The pain isn’t easily forgotten and usually cannot be willfully forgotten. When you hurt the woman you love enough, she won’t come back to you. And because you still love her, you wouldn’t take her back even if she asked you to.
You don’t trust yourself not to hurt her again and even if you did, she wouldn’t trust you not to hurt her again. Relationships are built on trust and you shattered her trust.
Chances are, you both have bruises that have never fully healed and likely will never fully heal. And that’s just something you decided that you’ll have to live with. Why?
Because you really don’t have any other options. You just hope that the two of you find others to love so you can think about each other less and so you don’t have to worry about her happiness anymore.
You wait in hopes that new love can take the place of the old — which it can. But that doesn’t mean you will ever stop loving each other. Some people will love each other until the day they die, spending the majority of their lives apart. And so is the darker side of love.
Originally posted at http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/means-love-someone-can-never/
Vision 2014
2013 went by so fast...
Now, hello and welcome 2014...
Last year may be the most unfelt or should I say coldest year of my existence. Though a lot of exciting adventures happened. There were also a lot of things to be thankful and at the same time to be sorry for.
The improvements and bad habits that makes now the new me; the numerous counts of new experience and friends added to my list; and of course the progress and learnings in my beloved work -- All these made my 2013.
Yet, it seems that it wasn't special and remarkable at all because most of those events i am not with my family and true friends. Being away from home and working in the urban jungle maybe the reason why I feel this way. Nevertheless, I could still say "Cheers! Let's continue to live and fulfill our dreams."
Moreover, I hope that this year it would be better and be much favorable to me. I am not getting younger, I should work and aim for more. For now, let me share this article to you and hopefully I can manage to achieve this little by little this year. Again, HAPPY NEW YEAR and cheers for a life filled with love, food, and happiness!
8 Ways To Have The Best 2014 Possible
Originally written by: Jessie Garber
Originally posted in: Thought Catalog
1. Begin to eliminate all of the negativity from your life.
Originally posted in: Thought Catalog
1. Begin to eliminate all of the negativity from your life.
People come in our lives to serve a certain purpose and teach us a lesson, but sometimes we allow those people to stay in our lives far longer than we should. If anyone in your life brings you down more than they make you laugh or smile, or if you treat them like a priority when you are only an option to them–let them go. You can be cordial but they don’t have to be a front-runner in your life.
2. If you want to feel stronger, find your personal best way to do so.
Realize that the gym is not always the place for everyone to do this (for example, you’d need to dangle a cookie in front of the treadmill for me to get up and want to run in the morning). Taking a dance class at a local studio, or a kickboxing or yoga class at a local rec center may serve you far better than running and weight lifting. If you pay for a class, you can be sure you’ll want to go and get the most out of it, and won’t duck out as often as you would hit the snooze button for the gym.
3. Take time to learn about what’s going on in our country and the world.
Not everyone is interested in the news and politics, but I think most people wish they could jump in on discussions about what’s happening in our world with something valuable to say. I learned from a friend that the best way to do this isn’t to sift through a dozen confusing political articles, but to download the NPR app for your phone, or go to http://www.npr.org. I listen to the Morning Edition news nearly every day while I’m in the shower or eating breakfast. It is literally like having a friend explain the news to you, in a way that’s interesting and easy to understand. Plus, I think hearing it makes it much easier to comprehend!
4. Don’t post negative things on social media.
A lot of people think this is a great medium to make fun of the latest celebrity scandal or to subtweet about a rough patch with a friend/significant other (I’m guilty here, too). However, this is not the best route. How about this? Every time you get the urge to tweet or post something like this on Facebook, type “inspirational quotes” into Google and post one of these instead. Reading these quotes will help you to feel better and focus on the positive aspects of life. Plus, you’ll help to brighten up the days of those who read your posts and inspire them to see the good in everything, as well.
5. Stop listening to what everyone else wants for your life, and decide for yourself.
Always wanted that haircut, to travel to another country, or to go back to school? Find a responsible way to do everything you’ve wanted to do. While some things probably can’t happen right away, you can start to save money for them, or work to get there. If it doesn’t work out, at least you tried and it you’ll know. But if it does work out, it could end up changing your life for the better and helping you to feel more confident in your life’s path.
6. Define what you want to do in life, and how you’re going to get there.
Write down your goals or create a bucket list, and do something every single day that helps you get closer to these goals. Dreams are often achieved through a lot of hard work and time dedicated to them, and breaking them down into smaller steps can help you to see the results faster and more efficiently.
7. Say “no” to overflooding your schedule, and say “yes” to more opportunities for personal growth.
Often, if you like to be helpful, you probably say yes to every favor everyone asks of you. I’m here to say that it is completely alright to say no (politely) every once in a while when you are feeling overwhelmed. We need to start saying yes to the valuable things that will help us to grow, like volunteer opportunities or donating time or any money we can afford to causes we believe in, so we can ensure a better future for those that will come after us.
8. Never underestimate the importance of alone time.
It’s fun to be with friends and family, but it is often crucial to your mental and emotional health that you relax and do things that you like to do. Whether you like to have Netflix marathons (a.k.a. ice cream, party of one), meditate, read a good book, or cook dinner for yourself, make sure you set aside time to do whatever makes you happy. It’s a great way to unwind and learn more about what you love in life, as opposed to what everyone around you does. 
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