lost in LAB
Out of nowhere i suddenly feel blue. There's something which i can't understand within me. It's been quite a long time since i blog about my heart and consult if it's still beating. Instead of talking about how my Valentine's day went out "umeksena na naman bigla ito <3 in the most unexpected time. I suddenly asked myself "KAILAN KO KAYA MAHAHANAP ANG TRUE LOVE KO?" It's kinda corny and peculiar but i wasn't able to find myself for how many minutes that i ended up listening to sad musics.
I am a loner and they say i can live just by my self. I don't know! Maybe people see me as a strong and independent person. But like any other human being in this crazy wild world, i also need someone whom i can lean on and whom i can run to if i feel scared and when in doubt. It's hard you know but sometimes i am already used to it.
Just by myself i carry all the sad emotions which i cannot utter to anyone. Hindi ko na nga rin alam kung pano pa umiyak. Insensitive na yata ko masyado sa sarili ko kasi hindi ko na alam kung tao pa ba ako na marunong umiyak dahil nasasaktan at nalulungkot.
I'm not that kind of guy. I am not the typical man who lives his life to survive and to find true love. I am someone who wakes up everyday trying to explore new things and finding what's the real meaning of happiness. Neither i am after love, i am not after what love can offer me but i am after to how love can be so true for a person like me.
I am vague! And so be it. I just want to express what's within me...
I am capable of loving but not more than to how much i love myself. I love and endear people but not to the extent that i'll love them forever. For me everything has its limitations and boundaries. Thus, you cannot have everything all at once.
I am dreaming of a love that's like this and like that. A love which will make you stop in the middle of the rain. A love which can create unexpected performance from you. A love which can turn you into something brighter than sunshine. LOVE that can show more than the wonders you see. But this love sometimes, as others say, is not enough.
*I want to cry now* but no tears drop from my eyes.
Now i just want a love to prove me that "i CAN", i can do the things i thought i can't and that i can be HAPPY whichever road i choose to go.
I am talking too much of nonsense.
